Over and Out

Another season, another winter on the road, another year of committing my life towards this sport and this goal of mine. I have been racing on the World Cup full time now for six years, which means I have been to the same race venues as many as seven or eight times.  Hard to believe that time has gone by so fast, but I guess that is a sure sign I am having fun!

 One of the things that I have learned “with age” is that despite the fact that I have become a regular on the World Cup tour, I can never become an expert. The courses change, the snow changes, the competitors change, the equipment and waxing change. As a result, just when I think I have figured something out, there is something new coming my way. That is the challenge of it all, and quite frankly, the fuel behind the fire.

I think of being an athlete as being an entrepreneur or a business owner. You create a mission, set out your own steps to accomplish that goal, and you work towards it. Even if your business was crushing last year, it doesn’t give you a free pass to crush this year. Your homework is never over; you are simply building on yesterday. As a skier, I have used every step of success as money in my brain bank. While it doesn’t guarantee I will reach that level again, it DOES guarantee that I have the tools to chase it.

Using my tools to chase. (Nordic Focus photo)

 Cross-country skiing has transformed over the past couple of years. As the snow has become more variable, and our equipment more finely tuned, there becomes more details of the sport. Waxing has become more challenging and impactful, technique has transformed, and it feels like general fitness of the field simply increases. Just when I thought I had become one of the strongest double polers in the world, the Russian women took it one step further. Just when I thought I had figured out being the quickest off the line, there is someone quicker. Just when I thought I had mastered my free skating, some young Swedish girl goes flying right by me. The world just keeps getting better, the goal just keeps becoming higher, and the job just keeps going.  Just when I think I have grabbed that bar, it gets raised! That is both the beauty and the thorn of “the challenge”, and the job I get to do. I am an entrepreneur of my sport, on a mission to be better than the best.

GIving my all (Nordic Focus photo)

Every winter we put our homework to the test. We race weekend after weekend, measuring ourselves up against the rest, using each race as money in our brain bank. As with most, this season brought a collection of goods and bads. For the first time ever, I put my full attention towards the championship event. I have always been one to enjoy the thrill of quite literally racing until I can’t any more. I don’t really like to focus on one specific set of races, I like to just aim and shoot as fast as I can, performing as best to my ability all season long. For that reason, I have gotten really good at having consistent racing throughout the winter. It has never really allowed me to peak at one event, but it has allowed me to enjoy the heck out of just trying 100 times. This winter, I decided it was time to try something new, and put some focus to the madness.

The focus face. (Nordic Focus photo)

 Despite the fact that my focus at Championships didn’t produce the medal I was aiming for, I was proud of the way I approached it, attempted it, and didn’t let myself get too disappointed when I fell short of my goal. I am a student after all, and with every short fall, there is always a lesson to learn for the next attempt. I am walking away from this season proud of many new accomplishments and improvements I made. Sometimes that means putting things in perspective. I am competing against “the best in the world” after all, no padding or peaches with that level! But, as with any entrepreneur, my mind is already set on the next bar, the next level, and what is next!

Lucky to be surrounded by this incredible group of women on my mission. (Nordic Focus photo)

 I can guarantee the level of this sport will be one step higher next winter! I am excited to challenge myself every day this summer, and mentally and physically prepare myself to be one of the best of the best. That bar just keeps rising, and despite the fact that I have been chasing it full time for six years now, I am still just as excited to keep gunning full force at it.

Enjoying every moment of finishing my winter on “usa soil” in my blue APU suit. (Reese Brown photo)

 But first, a few weeks of rest and recovery. I demand a lot of my mind and muscles all summer, fall and winter. Part of getting better is making sure I take the time to turn off, and reset. So I am off to spend some time with my family and some sunshine. Thank you to everyone who was part of cheering, supporting and pushing me through this season!

Making time to get one crust cruise in before I head off for the spring.

A Moment to Remember

Ten days have passed, and I think I have finally completely processed the past couple weeks of World Championships in Seefeld, Austria. I walked away not having achieved my goals on a piece of paper, but having achieved many other process goals along the way. For that reason, I can truly say I have no regrets.

When I set goals this summer, I decided I wanted to take a season to put full focus on the World Championships. In the past years of my ski racing, I have felt like I was doing that, but I started to realize I had never given myself a solid 4-5 week pre-Championships training block. In my coach’s opinion, that is what I was missing to find my absolute tiptop form at Championships. So the decision was made, I was going to go full steam for Seefeld. Having had two amazing races there last year, my brain was all game!

Little did I predict that this plan was going to be emotionally tough. Having to drop out of the Tour de Ski, skipping World Cups, training through racing weekends, staying in one hotel for three weeks for a training block: these were all things I didn’t quite anticipate the emotional effects of. My brain may be the strongest muscle in my body, but it also is human! As I kept my head down, and my heart focused, I kept telling myself that it would all be worth it.

During Christmas time, when I was stressing about being sick so much this fall and again at Christmas, my fiancé told me something I will never forget. Despite the fact he has an alpine background, and quit racing during his high school years, he has an incredible ability to relate. As I was questioning some decisions I had made this fall, he lectured me on regret. He told me that at this point in my career, I am not allowed to regret anything. I either do it right, or I learn from the experience. There is no right and wrong. There is only learning. If I put the pressure on myself to always do it right because I have achieved a high level, it will destroy me. I couldn’t believe how insightful that was, and I recognized that was true. Placing and podiums are not the only measure. Committing and learning is “improvement”. 

So, with that said, I went through this winter trying to remind myself to have no regrets! When things got tough, I kept going back to “learning from the experience”. I worked on keeping my brain in check, because I knew that was going to make the difference. 

 The weekend leading into World Championships, we had a race weekend in Cogne, Italy. During that final weekend of racing, I found my belief, my strength, and my mental happy place. The past two months of training through races, staying in hotel rooms, and watching World Cup weekends from the TV became worth it! I headed into the Championships more “hungry and prepared” than ever.

Six person drag race in Cogne (Nordic Focus photo)

A little extra loving from family just before the Championships.

The first race of the Championships was the skate sprint, the race I was individually looking forward to the most. My skating felt amazing, and my tactics were improving. I made a “game plan” for the quarterfinals to the best of my ability, and put myself in the exact place I wanted. On the long downhill, I popped out of the draft one second too late, missed my moment, and was boxed in so much that I couldn’t put my powerful, amazing feelings to use. Just like that, the day was over, and I wasn’t able to advance out of the quarterfinals. But, that is sprinting, it is hard to always do the right thing at the right time.  No regrets, the lesson I learned was to commit to my plan one second earlier for the rest of the Championships. 

Pre-champs excitement! (Reese Brown photo)

Pre heat, pre chopping session on our new race suits. (Getty Images)

The second race of my Championships was the classic team sprint, one I was feeling pretty lucky to be part of. Both Jessie and I channeled our “sideline antsy pants” and sprint frustration into this relay event we knew we had a chance at. The semi finals went well, and I got a good feeling for where I wanted to position myself. I knew the course was short and speedy, so I needed to be in the front. Unfortunately we started back row in the finals, and I spent the remainder of the three heats trying to get past a few girls that always seemed to be between me and the freedom of skiing in the front. Having learned from the sprint that moves have to be made early, I tried to skip the “resting sections”, and double pole while others were tucking, even if it was only going to get me a ten-foot advantage. With such a short course, everything mattered.  Jessie and I ended up finishing fifth, and only two seconds off the podium. We both tried to celebrate and tried to be positive, but we were left frustrated, knowing we were strong enough to have won a medal that day. No regrets, we had done our absolute best.

Relay socks and war paint. (Nordic Focus photo)

Smiling about giving our best. (Getty Images)

The third race was the 10k classic. The real “dark horse” event for me.  I have struggled with classic wax in quite a few of the races I have started the last few years, so I never know what is going to happen when I put classic skis on. I have worked extra hard to keep believing in myself as a classic racer through the experience, but that is sometimes my biggest hurdle.  When things come together, they can be amazing. But when they don’t, I have no chance. Having had a great few weeks of training in Davos, I was feeling great about classic! I went into that 10k with a totally open mind. My goal was to dial everything I could control, and judge my day on that. With a collection of dry and wet snow out there, it was particularly difficult to pick what to race on. As I went out and tested, I stayed calm, chose to go thin on kick to run the hills and hopefully glide better, and committed to the plan. I took off the start line in full focus, attacked from the start, ignored all feelings, and fought. I am not sure there is any race this season that I have been so mentally focused and positive. I dug so deep that I lay on the finish line, dizzy, and gasping for air for a solid two minutes before I got up and walked out of the finish area. When I saw the result, I was pretty crushed! I was proud of my “race”, stayed mentally positive and engaged, and the posted “number” didn’t seem to show it.  As I saw my teammates, Jessie, Sophie and Rosie finish right around me, I at least felt hopeful that maybe we had missed something in wax. 

Making a race strategy with my coach (Erik Flora) and my technician (Jean-Pascal Laurin) before the start of the race. (Reese Brown photo)

Not to worry, it was relay time! We had a new team that we had never tried before, deciding to switch up some order from earlier in the season. Getting ready that morning all together, putting our face paint on, and dancing around to the Shakira Pandora music station, I was so happy. I took a mental picture that morning to remember what it feels like to be so excited, nervous, and in love with what I do! The race went off to a hot pace, and the four of us fought for every second. We ended up finishing fifth again, only 40 seconds off the podium, and chose to feel encouraged by the experience! That was a great start for this new team! 

Talking race tactics with Julia Kern before the start of the relay. So fun and exciting to know she is eight years younger than me and was starting her first ever 4x5km relay with the team. It was incredible to watch her fearlessly attack that first leg of the relay. There is no doubt this girl is full of guts! (Reese Brown photo)

The relay day was one of the hottest days of the Championships. Part of our team strategy was how to stay cool during the heat. Here we are stuffing snow into Jessie’s suit as she crosses the line wearing a t-shirt and shorts version of our race suit. (Nordic Focus photo)

For the next 48 hours, I did my best to conserve every last bit of energy, stay out of the sunshine, and get ready for the big 30k war. With slow, soft conditions, I knew I was going to have to get stoked for “no rest”. With the warm weather, the down hills were slowly becoming working sections, so it was going to be a race of attrition! 

Recovery day goals: drink a ton, eat a ton, ski super slow, and stay out of the sun as much as possible. (Nordic Focus photo)

 As I came off the line in the 30k, I was blown away at the pace. I felt like we were going sprint pace for the first three kilometers. I panicked, not knowing if I would make it to the finish. Somewhere around seven kilometers, my brain “popped”. In the very important “hang on for dear life” section, the disappointment and frustration of the week took over my focus. Ski racing requires so much belief, confidence, fearlessness, and risky mental talk! You have to be willing to kill yourself to hang. That final day in Seefeld, that part of my brain was fried. I had used it all up that week without realizing it. I managed to hang on to 15th, a result that is good, but not what I was capable of that day. My body was firing, but my brain unfortunately wasn’t.

Racing with a view! (Nordic Focus photo)

 Every Championship is going to have its ups and downs. Sometimes I think it is harder to have a dream than to not care at all. These past two Championships, I have known I have a shot to fight for podiums, which is an exciting experience, but also mentally challenging. You do your best to nail the pieces you can control, and then are forced to analyze the result without considering the “place on a piece of paper”. 

When I look back on these Championships, I will remember those days that I committed, believed, and was in full focus. I will forget the piece of paper that reads a number, but I will remember some pretty incredible moments and feelings. 

So as Jo would say, no regrets for committing to those two weeks in Seefeld like I never have before. I learned a lot in those two weeks, and for that, I wouldn’t change it. Looking forward, it’s game time now! Time to let out all the frustration “on the course”. I have five more races to unleash my brain and body’s best abilities!

Thank you Seefeld for the sun and smiles throughout the entire two weeks!

 Thanks to everyone who came and cheered through the last few weeks. It meant the world to see so many familiar faces. And thanks to everyone else cheering and believing from afar. But most importantly, thanks to Jo for helping me keep perspective in this mentally and physically exciting experience of trying to be the best in the world!

I remain a student of this sport, and look forward to finishing out this season!

Thank you to these amazing ladies, Zuzana Rodgers and Steph McKeen for all their massage and PT work to keep us in one working piece through all the racing!

The Man in the Shadow

Have you ever noticed while you are watching the “pre-race” shots, or the pictures the day before the race, all the World Cup athletes seem to have a little “shadow” around them? For me, that little shadow has a curly mustache, a French accent, and a silly little giggle. He is my wax technician, and the man in charge of organizing, managing, and waxing the skis I race on.

The technician in the shadow (SIA Nordic photo)

Did somebody say cheese??? (SIA Nordic Photo)

This man in my shadow has been working with me for five years now. When he joined the team, he joined a staff of six other technicians from all over the world, working under the roof of “United States Ski Team”.  The first years were spent getting to know my style of skiing, my style of kick, and my brand of skis. 

This man in my shadow is part of my team, but also part of the “big team”. On the US Ski Team, all the technicians work together to make a glide, and a kick call. They often arrive to the venue around four to five hours before the race, testing and gliding to pick a wax for the entire team. From there, each technician is in charge of one man and one women’s waxing.  They apply the “team call on wax” to three or four of the athlete’s best pair of skis for the day. One and a half hours before the start, the athlete arrives, and the technician and athlete ski around and pick the best pair of skis, and then dial in that pair of skis perfectly for the race. Thirty to forty minutes before the start of the race, the technician goes racing back to the wax truck, and applies the finishing powders and speedy wax to the skis to make them race ready. From there, they run the skis to the start, click them on the athletes feet, and the race is on!

Testing the best of the best the morning of the race (Nordic Focus photo)

 The man in the shadow is a huge piece of the athlete’s success or dissapointments. A pair of skis can both “make” or “break” a day. The man in the shadow has the finishing touches on their athlete’s dreams and goals. Stress, chaos, crazy weather…. all these elements are something the technician must take on without showing visual stress. Their confidence in their work is contagious to the athlete. Some of my most successful races in my career have been when “the man in my shadow” has convinced me that he will perform magic on my skis in stressful weather situations. Because of a mutual trust, I put my belief In his work, and he puts his belief in mine.

The waxing crew inside the truck that makes up the american waxing team.

The man in the shadow has a heart of his own. On the days he doesn’t succeed, it is often as hard for him as it is for me. But you are a team, so you take the time to learn from it so that you are better next time. All you can expect is his best, the same you expect of yourself. On the days you succeed, you know his hard work was 50% of the opportunity! You are a team, with the same dream. 

“the French touch” some would say…..

 The man in the shadow is a keeper of my ski fleet. I have approximately fifty different skis, for fifty different conditions. Skis vary in flex, grinds, construction, length, wax pockets, models, and more. When one pair may look like the other, the “man in the shadow” knows better. He spends all day working in the wax truck, competing against all the other “best in the world” technicians trying to create the “best skis in the world”.  

Trying to dial the fine line of enough kick, but not too much drag (Caitlin Patterson photo)

Although I can get by waxing my own skis during training…. I would never get by on the World Cup! (Ophira photo)

 The man in my shadow is Jean-Pascal Laurin. He has been my technician for five years now, and he has had the finishing touches on my best and worst races. He knows when to crack a joke before the start to ensure I am still having fun, and he knows when to tell me to get focused. He is working his butt off for a common goal. This job wouldn’t be possible without him, and the team of technicians that make up our waxing staff. So next time you see the little shadow skiing around with us, make sure you give an extra cheer for them too. We couldn’t be here without them!

JP at work (Caitlin Patterson photo)

A massive thank you to JP and all the other incredible technicians that are part of our team! We may not get to bring you up onto the podium on our amazing days, but I can guarantee your shadow will be there!

Thank you JP! (Nordic Focus photo)